2012 Joshua Tree on the Mesa

Back from an amazing and challenging time at Ghost Ranch attending 2012 Joshua Tree on the Mesa with my shaman teacher, Lynn Andrews.

This year, I went to the event as a volunteer and got to contribute in a much different way, helping to create the space the event was held in.

Ghost Ranch in the morning light

Spider Woman Mountain in the near distance

Working on transforming a pretty bland space into beauty (w/Sonia)

This place is magical

Walking to dinner - the Ranch sits in a valley surrounded by orange, yellow and red mesas

On Wednesday, I had my "school day" where I first was shocked and elated I was awarded a $1000 scholarship for this year's tuition through the Councils of the Whistling Elk scholarship fund, along with my classmates, Jane and Dreanna, and Leota, who had won a scholarship through the LACSAT scholarship fund earlier in the month.  I didn't expect a scholarship this year and am so deeply grateful.  Then I got to spend the day with these incredible women I've been journeying through school with for 3 1/2 years and our rockstar mentors, Cheryl Downey and Dianne Riesen.

We held the chakra veils for the ordination of last year's class that evening and it was WONDERFUL!  As I didn't bring my camera like a dolt, I'm waiting for pics from others which I will plug in here.

So, instead, more Ghost Ranch!

Moon rise!!  The Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse was the following Monday and it is arising!

Lynn's speaking platform transformed

The ceiling is now a galaxy of Mayan gliphs, lights and sparkly fabrics

I felt great Wednesday night when I went to bed.  However, I woke up an hour or two later and was violently vomiting the rest of the night.  On Thursday, I was taken to a walk-in clinic about 30 miles away to get a shot of anti-nausea medication in my tookus and spent the rest of Thursday and Thursday night in the Dreamtime.  I am very grateful to our LACSAT nurses Fiona and Judy and the nurse from Ghost Ranch who took such good care of me!

So I missed not only the first day of the event, but also two very special tasks assigned to the 4th Year - setting up Sacred Space for meditation and holding the energy of the event and the Elk Pole ceremony, which opens the event.  My classmates did an AMAZING job with creating the Sacred Space and I was told that the Elk Pole ceremony was fabulous.  I was there in the Dreamtime.  When I would briefly wake up at times, I could feel the love and support around me like a cocoon.

Beautiful Sacred Space!  We all took shifts throughout each night of the event, along with graduates, to hold the energy of the teachings.  Thanks to Bevy for covering for me on Thursday night - I was able to take her spot on Saturday.

The Elk Pole, photo courtesy of Dreanna Bane.  At the start of each JT, each participant enters the medicine wheel created around the Elk Pole by the 4th Year apprentices, goes around to each direction and then ties a ribbon symbolizing her/his intent for the event.  There are 20 years of ribbons on the pole!

This year's event is about "riding the light waves of 2012" which is all about not getting drawn into the chaos of the great changes going on all around us, but instead taking personal responsibility for who I am, what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.  The meditations and talks were about how to let go of what I don't need or want in my life anymore and finding my personal power in a responsible and clear way.  Every participant drew a card from Lynn's Power Deck that symbolized our focus for the event.  I picked a card on Friday morning - Release - and about laughed my ass off.  Yup.  Already doing that!!

This message of Release followed me throughout the rest of the event and is still active right now at home.  It's time to let go of all the things that no longer serve me.  And they're putting up a fight!

A close up of Lynn's speaking platform with incredible crystals brought by Ramona from Arkansas and a luminary, which was our task this year to create using symbols we received in the various meditations and at the fire ceremony on Friday evening.

Suzanne and Chloe dancing at the Friday Fire Ceremony - it's an ORB STORM!  I have never seen a photograph like this in my life!  Photo taken by Anthony Pauly with Suzanne Hindson's camera.  AMAZING!

4th years also led our small groups, which was wonderful, aided by a graduate.  I had the lovely Radka to help me out.  We spent Saturday afternoon creating our luminarias.  Every one was so unique and beautiful!  After our group, I made my yearly pilgrimage to the labyrinth, stopping here at the Japanese garden to take a shot of the beautiful purple flowers there.

Preparing to walk the Labyrinth!  If you make it out to Ghost Ranch, make sure you take the time to experience the Labyrinth.  Magical!

The Crystal Fire being prepared for the evening's ceremony at the Agape Center chapel courtyard

Beautiful!

2nd Year Drummers welcoming us to the evening session on Saturday night - I remember doing that!

The Elk Pole on our final night

Walking to ceremony, moon a-rising!

Procession to the Crystal Fire ceremony, carrying our luminarias.  I'm not sure who took this photo (probably Vicki Dobbs) but since I'm bringing up the rear of the group, I'm not in there.

The Fire Team holding the circle of the Crystal Fire

Lynn at Crystal Fire Ceremony (photo courtesy of Vicki Dobbs)

Crystal Fire under the (almost) full moon

The following are a series of photos of the Crystal Fire and close ups of the crystals - enjoy!!

My finished luminary with colored lights inside

Two wonderful people I love madly - Suzanne and Anthony

The World Altar.  Every year, participants bring prayer sticks for world and personal healing and place them into the World Altar along with prayer sticks from previous Joshua Tree events.  This year, the design was a spiral galaxy.

My favorite blue ladder is now a pretty shade of aqua

Gorgeous clouds above.  No rain though.  It smelled like rain for about 30 seconds, which was heavenly.

Rain in the sky, not on the ground

Lovely Suzanne at our staff party Sunday night

Full Moon rising over the mesa through the clouds

On Monday, I headed back to NYC, only to have an electrical fire on my plane about 10 minutes out of Albuquerque.  So it was back to Albuquerque to make an emergency landing, complete with fire trucks and emergency vehicles with light flashing to meet us on the runway.  But all was well. I ended up spending the night at the Sheraton courtesy of American Airlines and made it home safely on Tuesday.  Kitties are happy!

I count myself blessed to be a part of this amazing group of people and to have the ability to go to such a beautiful place to experience power and love.  And empowerment.  Ho!

I've Come a Long Way, Baby....

I'm still chuckling over this....and that's more than a good thing!  It's a liberating thing.

On Friday, I had my very first musical theatre audition since, oh...high school.  I've been singing with a private vocal coach for 11 months now and was amazed I was called in for this particular show, given they specifically asked for experienced musical theatre performers, but so be it! I got the audition and was very excited.  I had two days to prep and decided to get my song book together in the order of songs I would perform.  This meant rearranging some of the pages, which I did and felt all ready and raring to go.

Friday a.m. I am all full of gunk in my throat, so I make a big thermos cup of mint tea with honey to take with me.  Take a big gulp and burn my tongue.  Okay.  I can deal with that.  No biggie.  I won't be able to taste food for two days, but I can still sing.

I trek to the audition - far from my apartment, cross-town, 3 subway trains later, lots of walking - but got there on time, ready to go.  I was getting the chance to audition, to sing!  Still excited.  Listen to some of the women before me and I'm pretty sure we're not auditioning for the same character so no intimidation there.

Go into the theatre - cute small theatre, black box.  Acoustics seem pretty good.  Give my book to the pianist, mark the tempo with him, say hi to the auditors who are very nice and attentive.  Start my song at the bridge.  As I go into the verse, the pianist jangles to an abrupt stop.

"Is there supposed to be a key change here?"

Wha?  I was very confused.  No.  After a bit of back and forth where I said I just sang from this book right before Christmas and there is no key change, a light bulb dings......I changed the pages in my book.  Oh, yes, I changed the pages in my book and frakking picked up the first three pages in the correct key and mistakenly picked up the last page in the original key.  Which is too high.

And this is where it gets different.  Instead of freaking out, getting down on myself, falling into despair, beating myself internally to a pulp....I started to laugh.  Outright.  And loud.

There was a man recording the auditions and he commented "Guess you made your mistake for 2012?" to which I agreed and raised my hands up over my head, taking a bow, still giggling.

The director asked me to finish the song in the wrong key, which I did and completely popped the top note, but you know what?  I didn't care.  I did my best and I learned a crucial lesson:

No matter what you do, if you give it your best, it's right for that moment. 

I genuinely was prepared and ready for my audition, but even with the best of intentions, sometimes things just go wrong.  And when they do, don't despair -- learn.  I finally think I understand what my career coach Dallas Travers means when she says "Seek failure."  Yes.  If you give it your all and it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean anything except information to use for next time.  Amen, sister!

No, I didn't get the part!  And yes, I changed the sheet in my song book to the correct key.  And now I'm ready for the next audition with a smile on my face.

And some residual giggles.

November 14, 2011 - What You Imagine is Real

I just got married.  Yup.  Married.  To myself.

A lot of people who know me probably are wondering WTF is she blathering about but I have to tell you, marrying yourself is probably the biggest commitment you can make in life.  I stood up in front of a crowd of people and declared myself not just "okay" but amazing.  Not to sweeten my ego or give myself props in order to feel good, but because I meant it.  I shared my victories and shared my vulnerabilities and did it out of absolute love and trust in myself.  If I can't love myself unconditionally, with compassion, who the hell would?

  The brides and our mentors arriving for ceremony - we had a fab spa day first!

My life is blessed in so many ways I lose count.  The people I love, the people who love me, the beauty of this planet, being able to do what I love in life....the list goes on and on.  Sometimes when I'm alone and thinking "this sucks," I remember that I'm really never alone.  I'm surrounded with love.  I just need to open my heart and my eyes and look.

Long ago, I imagined one day I would be in a place where I was at complete peace and acceptance of myself.  What I imagined is real.  As I reach for further goals in life in my acting career, in my personal relationships, I repeat that mantra.  What I imagine is real.  Live in the moment and feel it.

October 11, 2011

I have been sitting around agonizing for months about this blog, wondering what was worthy to write, what was "interesting enough", "sounding professional", blah, blah, blah.  And as a result, I didn't write a damn thing.  Nada.  Zilch.

What is THAT about?

I made some very interesting discoveries.  One, I have been trying to hard to sound like I have something important to say that I lost my own voice.  I reread my last couple of blog posts and wanted to vomit.  Not my voice!  Two, I was writing this blog for the wrong reasons.  I don't want to be an "authority" on anything, I just want to write.  Maybe someone will read it.  Maybe not.  The main thing is to write about the journey, the process of doing what I do.  Not to prove anything.

Coming to those conclusions, I just said eff it.  I combined my two blogs - I had a separate pictorial blog, mainly about my life, and a separate acting blog.  I can't separate the two.  Part of the reason I had trouble "finding something" to write about was that I was compartmentalizing myself when I live in a one-room house.  I'm not an advice giver, either.  I just wanted to document my process living in NYC being an actor.  Sometimes it ain't pretty.  Sometimes it's boring as hell.  It is what it is and I wanted to normalize that.

So here I am.  I've been busy; that's not the issue as to having nothing to write about.  It's being afraid of speaking, like I don't have a RIGHT to write about my experiences.  I've lived my life under a shadow of fear - to be seen is to be annihilated.  I was a kid that experienced abuse that taught me that lesson.  I'm not a kid anymore, nor do I have to live my life being afraid.

Tomorrow starts another personal year for me.  Yup.  It's my birthday, a day I usually ignore.  Not this year.  I'm here and I'm going to say so.  And I'm going to celebrate!

March 25, 2011

Spring brings energy and renewal in many ways.  We are inspired by the natural world exploding back into life from dormancy to move forward with the plans and goals we've set for ourselves in the cave in January and February.  As an auditioning actor, I look for ways to change things up for myself - find new monologues and work them out, start new training, meet with casting directors, directors, writers, producers, audition for roles that might be a bit different or risky...in other words, move the energy of my life from the internal nesting instinct of the winter to the exploding of energy into the world with action.

I find that I tend to get ungrounded if I don't have a plan set for myself.  I bet there are a lot of actors out there that feel similarly.  In our training, we are taught how to access our deepest emotions but are often not taught how to survive out in the "real" world while keeping our sanity.  I find it absolutely necessary to find ways for myself to stay in the now with my life and career, as hard as it might be on any given day.  For me, I have a shamanic spiritual practice that helps me stay focused and true to myself.  I know other actors who have practices like yoga, meditation, sports, art, volunteering, politics even. 

It's easy to get caught up in our own drama.  It's easy to say don't, but life is full of the unexpected and often knocks us for a loop.  Make sure your plan has backup to care for yourself.  We need to enjoy life and experience everything we can, good and bad, to be the best actors we can be.  Live the process and tuck all those experiences inside as fuel for the acting fire. 

March 2, 2011

Starting off with a new acting coach can leave you feeling like a rank beginner again!  I've been studying British acting training with Ruth Kulerman for a month now and it's hard at the moment because it's so different from most of the Method and Meisner-based training I've had.  Forget connecting to emotions.  Connect to the text, the sounds of the words.  To pitch and rhythm.  And what do you know?  The emotions are there.  Fascinating, Captain!  I do love working one-on-one.  In an hour, I can get more accomplished than in a month of classes.

I also started private singing lessons with Adam Roebuck - I have my second lesson tomorrow.  I'm actually enjoying it.  Me, Ms. Anti-Musical.  Both the acting and singing coaching are supporting each other in developing my voice and power through my voice.  It's not about volume.  Sure, I can be loud and project like a charm.  That's not necessarily the most powerful choice.

Speaking of powerful choices, I saw John Gabriel Borkman with Alan Rickman, Fiona Shaw and Lindsay Duncan at BAM.  Power is when Alan Rickman, who maintained an amazing contained stillness suddenly bursts out with "I LOVED POWER" and the whole theatre was so dead silent you could hear the person next to you breathing.  A riveting performance.  Not Ibsen's best play, but certainly relevant, given the Bernie Madoff/Wall Street scumbags of our day and age.  And beautifully staged.  I love live theatre.  Love it.

My business plan is set, my goals are on the move and I have several casting director seminars coming up later this month, along with a large mailing going out and continuing to work on the staged reading/development of the new play 5 Days Into Madness.

January 26, 2011

Many blogs I've been reading have to do with "setting goals" for the New Year, which is admirable, but I find that what's more important than setting goals is having an actual PLAN of how to make those goals become reality.  Creating a plan takes time and the skill of being able to break down a long-term goal into definable and doable steps.  Actors get caught up in how "everything is out of my control!"  We lament about this constantly.  "If only...."  I do it myself.  Frustration and fear fuel the "if onlys".  "If only I had [fill in the blank], I'd be getting auditions for [fill in the blank]."  "If only I was [fill in the blank], I'd be a lead on [fill in the blank]."  What defeatist thinking!

I can only speak for myself.  The best tool I have is my will.  Will lives within the spirit; it's what drives me to do in the world, for whatever reason (and there are many reasons!).  Getting clear  and boiling down to the brass tacks what I actually GET out of my long-term goals is essential to being able to achieve anything.  What is it I really want by being an actor?  Whatever it is, I don't have to tell anyone, but I do have to be clear to myself or guess what?  NOTHING WHATSOEVER will happen.  I will spin my wheels, lament how unfair the business is and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's.  Gee, that's living the high life.

So my January 2011 has been spent formulating The Plan.  Getting clear on what the hell I want to get out of being an actor.  This isn't just "oh, I want to star in a feature film or tv show" or "I want to get an agent" bs.  Those aren't goals.  They're wishes.  Dreams.  The payoff of being an actor to me isn't about what someone else can give me (i.e., roles, agents, awards, fame, whatever!).  It's what I give myself through the work and what I can give back to others through the work.

I'm using a lot of different tools.  Meditation, journaling, art.  Leslie Becker has an email series of 9 "weeks" of tasks to help goal setting and action planning that rocks.  I found a new acting coach (start next week!) and I'm going to begin singing lessons in February.  I'm getting back into the swing of going to EPAs for projects that intrigue me as well as continuing to pursue film, television and commercial opportunities.  Great Hair Day continues to bring in residuals!

Though I just now got an email canceling an audition for Friday (project postponed), I know it's all part of The Plan.  Shit happens in this business and I have to roll with it.  It'll be rescheduled.  Business plans need to be flexible but not so flexible that they lose shape.  I know why I'm on this path and that makes walking on the path much more inspiring.  It's my path; I lay the stones, I choose the direction and I decide why, how and how far.  It's not about "if only" someone else gives me a break.  It's about how I create my life to be the best it can be.

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans," said John Lennon.  I think what's often overlooked is that if you're not busy making other plans, you can't see the life that is happening around you.  So get busy!

Here's to The Plan!

December 10, 2010

Oh, the weather outside is frightful....!  Well, it's just frigid.  I wish it would snow already.

Had an audition today for a short film and have a rehearsal for the staged read of 5 Days Into Madness coming up on Wednesday.  Wrapping up school for this year and reworking goals.  It's that time of year again!

October 18, 2010

Had a table read of a new play on October 12th and had a great time.  I get to play six - count 'em - six different characters ranging from 10 to 70, which is really fun.  Excellent company!  Looking forward to the staged reading sometime in November.

On October 24th, I will be performing a comedy scene at the Directing Actors Gym at the National Comedy Theatre in Manhattan.  It will be livestreamed and the link to all the info is here.  It's a really funny script and I'm exciting to be working the stage/screen again at DAG.

Had a couple of auditions for various projects.  A go-see on Friday.  I've been so preoccupied trying to catch up with schoolwork for my in-house week in Los Angeles in November that my script writing has fallen by the wayside.  I'm determined to not let that happen so I've been carrying around my legal pad with me everywhere to jot things down.  I can hear Mr. Ruffer whispering (or shouting!) in my ear, "Keep writing!"

September 29, 2010

Getting things done in September - that's what it's all about!

Auditions, callback, writing the screenplay, getting headshots printed and all that jazz...every day, I just keep working it.  For me.

The project this month was getting myself back to the physical - eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep - and I'm pretty much there.  Next month is working up a daily acting gig for myself - working with my camera, working my monologues, working my voice.

And all the while, writing the screenplay!

September 13, 2010

Had a good callback last week, another audition today and one tomorrow.  I think I've had more auditions in the last two weeks than I've had all summer.  Amazing what a shift in energy will do for a person.  The new shots are also paying off, always a good thing.

Right now I've regrouped and am focusing on an agent mailing, primarily to get a commercial agent as that seems to be where I'm getting auditions right now.  Theatrically, I'm going to do a drop tomorrow at the L&O offices for SVU which is in production at the moment and continue submitting for other projects.  Movement creates momentum and the momentum is growing.

I'm reading my Idiot's Guide to Screenwriting and hope to pick up a copy of Final Draft 7 (yes, the previous version) soon.  The key seems to think in terms of pictures and actions, not dialog, so I've been "seeing" the film in my mind more so than hearing it, which is how I was focusing before.  I also am writing the main male character for a particular actor in my mind, which helps me focus who and what I want him to be.  All good stuff.

Still frustrated that all my phone calls to AFTRA haven't even netted one return email in reply.  I understand they're overworked and understaffed, but it's been three months of contacts now.  *sigh*

September 2, 2010

Had a cheery good day - tamed the eyebrows, picked up the new headshots from Reproductions and then had a rockin' good audition for a popular Japanese tv show.

Life is good!!

August 4, 2010

In all journeys, there are steep climbs, plateaus, roaring rapids and tranquil summits.  I've been riding the rapids lately and it's been tough.  But not as tough as a homeless person, or an abused person, or a forgotten person.  I am so very blessed that sometimes I can't see the forest, I get caught in my idea of what the forest should look like, not what it does look like.

That's a signal that it's time to push the restart button, reboot and find where I'm at.  Get out my compass and check my bearings.  It's all good.  Sometimes it's just hard to see that.

July 20, 2010

Did a kick ass job at a short film audition today.  Doesn't get any better than that!

I shot new headshots with Audrey Foto on July 9th and it was one of the best shoots I've ever had.  So many terrific shots that I ended up with six final choices to see in 8x10".  I highly recommend Audrey - she's got a great eye for seeing who you are and capturing that in each shot.  And she works with the highly talented Misty Easler who is a terrific makeup artist.  I can't wait to start marketing myself with these new shots.

I keep having these dreams of seeing myself on a movie screen acting and in my dreams, I know I'm dreaming and I like what I see.  Things are moving forward in ways and on levels I'm not conscious of.  All is good.

June 28, 2010

The editing is finally done and here is the link to my performance in a scene from Saving Private Ryan taped in my master class at Penny Templeton Studio:  Michele in Saving Private Ryan

The 1st Annual Directing Actors Showcase was great fun and my scene partner, David Roberts, rocks!  Thanks to Miles Maker for giving me the opportunity to perform and believing in my talent.  Miles hinted away at growth and changes coming to Directing Actors for its relaunch in the fall and I'm looking forward to seeing what's gonna happen.  Too bad Livestream didn't capture our performances.

If I don't get back to say it, Happy July 4th!!

June 16, 2010

Just had a great class today at Penny Templeton Studio working on Death and the Maiden.  It really feels great to just do the process, make discoveries and ACT.  And to see homework and hard work pay off.  Yes, I can be a lazy actor sometimes, but seriously, when you see the benefits of putting in the time and effort, even when it's not fun, wow, it really hits home why I do this day after day, week after week.

This Sunday is the 1st Year Directing Actors Gym Anniversary and I'm performing in a scene from the film The Departed.  Very excited!  I worked with Penny today on really honing in on the character and will work with my scene partner tomorrow.  Rock and roll!  The event will be shown on http://www.livestream.com/directingactors starting at 2 pm EDT (and no, that's not "erectile dysfunction time" - though that might fit the scene, har har!).

Have an audition on Friday for what looks like will be a very funny and well-done web series by writer/filmmaker Tony Clomax.

June 3, 2010

My blog on Joshua Tree on the Mesa 2010 is up:  JT on the Mesa 2010

Joshua Tree on the Mesa 2010

Bright Cloud Woman and Live Arrow


This year I was blessed to be able to go out to New Mexico prior to the start of Joshua Tree and spend time with my friends Suzanne and Anthony in Santa Fe and at Ojo Caliente hot springs northwest of Santa Fe before we set off to Ghost Ranch.

Moon rise over Santa Fe's central square

Suzanne and Anthony in Santa Fe

St. Francis Cathedral in Santa Fe

One of the many inner courtyard gardens in downtown Santa Fe

We met up with some fellow JT-ers for lunch at the Coyote Cafe, which was absolutely delish, complete with a tequila/watermelon juice beverage!

In our room at Ojo Caliente in our robes about to partake the waters

Hiking in the morning up to Posi, the ruins of a pueblo above Ojo

A lovely stone circle someone created

Pottery shards were everywhere and other visitors has placed them on stones to be seen.  I'm very grateful that people didn't take them as I saw them do at other ancient pueblo sites in the past.

Life grows everywhere, even in a field of stone.  A good metaphor for difficult times.

Me on top of ole Posi.

A beautiful succulent in bloom.

Really cool patterns of lichen on a boulder

That's Mr. Lizard to you

The main building at Ojo Caliente that leads to the spa pools.  There are many different pools - arsenic, iron, soda and a mixture of iron and arsenic.  I drank from the well of Lithia.  Salty.  And warm.  But it's supposed to be good for you and your mood!

On Monday, after a relaxing morning hiking and soaking, we had lunch at the restaurant at Ojo before going back for a last soak before heading out to Ghost Ranch.

At Ghost Ranch on Tuesday morning after consecrating my drum in a wonderful ceremony by the stream

How can the sky be so blue???!

Ho! Spider Woman Mountain!

Window altar in my room

The fire circle being created in view of Spider Woman Mountain to the South for our fire ceremony Saturday night.

Happy me!

An elder mare spending her sunset days grazing anywhere she wants at Ghost Ranch

Moon rise over the mesa

Wednesday morning school day begins with the lovely Kim, Millie and Jane

Agape Chapel in the morning sun

Always looking over us sits Spider Woman Mountain.  On Wednesday, we sat in circle and learned to drum rhythms with Scott Rosner, our drummer extraordinaire of the band.  Not everyone was at Ghost Ranch yet, so it was difficult to feel whole.

Kim's eagle prayer stick.  So powerful I could only stare at it in wonder.

Hiking with Kim up to Chimney Rock on Thursday morning.  A view of Abiquiu Lake.

A first good look at Chimney Rock - look at the face in the stone!

A closer view.  All the faces in Chimney Rock and surrounding cliffside.

I remember seeing Georgia O'Keefe's painting of this very spot when I saw her exhibit in Chicago back in the late 80's.

The trail.  How far we have come.

My lovely roomie

Me goofing off as usual

Amazing vista

Kim and I met up with Bevvy on the trail and headed back down.

Suzanne at our first session with Lynn.  Bright Cloud Woman and Live Arrow has begun!  The teachings were amazing and so pertinent to everything happening around me and with me.  It's always that way and always blows my little socks off.  This year we looked at old agreements we made in the past that no longer work for us now and how our words, our thoughts have such great power.  We can change just by deciding to change, just by deciding to make new agreements and chuck the old.  It's that simple.  And that difficult.  Why do we hold onto things so hard that hurt us?

The World Altar at night - star-shaped and lit

The World Altar by day

Prayer sticks form the World Altar

A visit to the Elk Pole.  Every year, JT opens with the Elk Pole ceremony where each participant goes around the sacred wheel then ties a ribbon to the Elk Pole symbolizing in prayer the person's commitment to the work.  Because I am in the second year of Lynn's Mystery School, my task is to drum before each event with my classmates.  So while I did go around the wheel at the Elk Pole ceremony, I didn't get a chance to photograph it because I was drumming.  I said hello to the sacred Elk, symbol of Agnes Whistling Elk and her gift of teachings to Lynn and to us.

Ghost dolls.  Every year at the end of JT, we are given a task to create a ghost doll to symbolize what we learned at that JT.  Some people bring their dolls to display.  These are Thunder Being Ghost Dolls, honoring our work with the glorious Thunder Beings last year.  They are so beautiful, unique and one-of-a-kind, like their creators.

A task this year was to find objects out on the land to represent the old agreements I am willing to give away and to create a bundle of those objects.  Here I am on the Upper Mesa searching for objects.  This was really fun and liberating to create this bundle.

After creating our bundles, we each went through an incredible tunnel of fabrics from dark to light and were "birthed" at an altar to place our bundles.  It was a beautiful experience to walk through these veils that have clouded my vision and my life, to lift them away and emerge into the light to give away the very things that have kept me blind.  These roses were at the foot of the altar in this cobalt blue vase.  There is such truth in a flower.  It is only what it is, not trying to be something else, and it is truly beautiful beyond words.

I think this photo is out of order, but here we all are at a meal, all us second years, plus Caroline's wonderful grandmother friend, June, who joined our group with a full heart and gave us so much support and love.  xoxoxoxo June!

After dinner, I went to the labyrinth out on the land and had another opportunity to face my old agreements and make a decision whether to let go or hold on.  Going through the maze does something to you - allows you to circle internally and release in a way that is joyous.  I literally skipped, danced and sang my way back!

The lovely Labyrinth

After walking the labyrinth, I captured this photo of the sun setting through the cactus behind Chimney Rock.  Magical.

Saturday night's ceremony involved face painting.  We took our Live Arrows to the fire and planted them in sand, uniting the power of Father Sky and Mother Earth in our giveaway.  The fire was reversed from other years - we walked through the purple juniper smoke as a symbol of walking through veils of ignorance first and then the fire burned clean the rest of the night.  Lynn joined us by the fire and we danced and sang and watched the flames burn purely.  I sat close for a long time and then moved to the outside of the circle where I danced to the rhythm of the thunder drum.

These are again out of order a bit.  The second years were given the task to create a Face of the Earth altar on the land.  This was done on Friday, I believe.  I had gathered some natural things - stones, wood, pinecones - and left them to be used, but I didn't participate in the building of the altar as I was elsewhere working on my Live Arrow.  I added an object to each of the quadrants later on.  It turned out beautifully, especially when there had been conflict over how to do the altar prior to the event.  It really came together.

Leota took a few pictures of the building of the altar.  Here, Kim and Caroline are looking at the beautiful buffalo skull Kim brought which went onto the life quadrant.

Here's another shot of building the altar.

And here is the buffalo skull with my "Joy" stone in its mouth.

On Sunday, I was serenaded by a bird in a tree as I went to retrieve my Live Arrow from the sacred fire circle.  The arrows had remained outside all night under the moon and stars.

Spider Woman Mountain looks beautiful in the morning!

I came upon the final toning circle.  I had attended two incredible toning sessions in Agape Chapel during the week facilitated by Moss Rock.  Really powerful to voice sounds from the soul.

Live Arrow

The morning session was a celebration of our Live Arrows and letting go of old crap.  This JT was more inward for me and I found myself very peaceful and quiet.

I love this blue ladder.  I shoot a photo of it every year.  It's a ladder to the sky.

And speaking of the sky...damn!

A last prayer by the World Altar.  Lynn says if there is war in the world, there is war inside of us.  What is outside is just a manifestation of what is internal.  To break the cycle of war, we have to start with ourselves.

Beautiful prayers

 

Wonderful Richard, my friend and our registrar for the school.

Suzanne's painting of Bright Cloud Woman

Leaving Ghost Ranch on Monday morning.  The horses didn't want our carrots!!  Hahaha!  They didn't even sniff them, just snorted at us to go away.

We had a little time so started up the drive to Spider Woman Mountain.  When it became obvious it was going to take a while to get there, we pulled over and I shot this photo before we turned around to get going to Albuquerque.

Looking from the other side of Lake Abiquiu towards Ghost Ranch

Next year I'll be visiting you up close and personal, Spider Woman Mountain!!  I promise!

So another year at Joshua Tree on the Mesa ends.  My heart and will are filled with all sorts of powerful tools and teachings to assimilate back into my life in New York and I feel like I traveled a long road of ups and downs this year, only to reach back to the start with new eyes.  I'll continue with my studies at LACSAT and before I know it, it'll be time for Storm Eagle in LA in November.  I am so blessed.